F-BOMB

My Mother died last week. 

For me at least, both her death and how her passing was communicated to me, were........unexpected.

Emotional bonds are just not something with which my family ever struggled.  They just simply did not exist. Nor was my family aware of what you call, "the apologizing." I'm not referring to those "sorry I dropped your JELLO on the floor" or "I'm sorry if you feel that way" - apologies. No, I'm speaking of the mature "I was wrong, please forgive me" type. It was in an interpersonal communication class in college that I first heard of such an apology.

Deep interpersonal connections have always been a foreign concept in our collective. Any relationships that did exist wasd based solely on proximity; live close and you might talk to each other. My living all across the country resulted in my living outside the dome of proper family.

Neither of my two brothers, nor any other family members called me with the news that my Mother had passed away.

I was informed of my Mother's death............. in a text message. 

A text message.  

Neither of my brother's sent the text. It came from my sister-in-law. I'm thankful at least that she made some effort, otherwise I guess I would never have known. 

A text message is an awful way to find out one's parent has passed away.  Perhaps in the new tech cultural lifestyle this is becoming the norm, family members receive death announcements on facebook or in a tweet.  God help us.

After six months of not hearing from anyone in my family, out of the blue I received a single text message that coldly stated, "Your mother has taken her last breath.  She is dead."

That's how I was told.

<<<angry face>>>

FORGIVENESS is relinquishing one's "right" to justice, or one's right to have power that can be held over the one who hurt us.

I did a teaching series a few years back called "F-BOMB" - a series whose name upset some parents, that is, until they found out the actual subject matter.  The topic was simply about the power of "dropping a bomb of forgiveness" on someone who hurt you.  I said forgiveness isn't easy, especially in situations where the one who hurt you, doesn't believe they have done anything wrong, or they don't care if they did.  But God still commands us to forgive.

A website exists for former pastors/ministers who have left their job due to burnout, being hurt, stress, loneliness, etc..

Today an article popped up on their site about forgiveness, explaining that peace can only come when we have truly forgiven those who have hurt us.  They explain two important aspects of forgiveness:

1. FORGIVENESS IS A PROCESS
2. FORGIVENESS IS MOSTLY ABOUT ME.

Moment of honesty.  I'm not there yet.  I'm still processing feeling hurts from three years ago and again six months ago.  I have forgiven those who hurt me, though the scars remain and are still raw.  Not to mention they seem to get poked at regularly, unintentionally or intentionally.

But this week, my F-BOMB is stuck in the bomb bay, waiting to be released, waiting to set ME free. I admit - I haven't let it fly yet. I'm trying. 

No. I'm really not. (not yet)

I apologize if I have hurt you in the past. Sincerely.
I hope you will forgive me.

I also apologize if I dropped your JELLO on the floor.

I pray you drop F-BOMBS more easily than do I.