One year I decided to take a large group of student and adult leaders camping and then rafting down the New River in West Virginia, a stunningly beautiful bit of nature, perfect for a trip in a raft. The night before the rafting excursion, we stayed in a campsite that was nice enough, the next morning sharing a breakfast of bacon. I'm sure there was more but I'm just covering the important components.
Imaginations ran wild with anticipation at the thought of soon being hurled down a wild river, dodging rocks, logs, waterfalls and squid. Everyone was prepared for the thrill. That is, everyone but me. During the night, some sort of illness (I think it was Monkey Pox) began to overtake me. Sweating, pounding headache, and my stomach felt like a 1950s Kenmore washing machine that had flung itself way out of balance. I was sick. Horribly sick.
But I was the leader and had to press on, not because I needed to BE the leader, we had plenty of leaders, all of whom I had trusted completely. No, I had to go purely out of ego. I had to be the "cool" leader, the unbreakable, unstoppable youth pastor about whom everyone could brag to their friends. Pride goes before a fall. I should have known better.
As soon as we climbed aboard the old school bus, cruising down a rough dirt road to the river, all of my internal organs began to scream at me saying "HEY IDIOT!!! DON'T DO THIS! YOU-WILL-REGRET-THIS!" But I was the leader! I found a garbage bag, prepared for the ejection of bacon. Sweat poured down my face. It was obvious I was running a fever, but I thought, "hey, we're about to cruise down a cold river. I'll be fine. I put on my "ain't Jesus good!" face, and pressed on.
Long story short, I puked all the way down the river. Puked out of the raft. Puked in the raft. Puked on a student who was swimming in the water beside the raft. At one point, out of concern for me, we gathered all the rafts together so the guides could check on me, and I puked in the middle of the pack, for all to see. When we stopped for lunch, like an idiot, I thought that maybe having some food on my stomach might help, that perhaps I was just experiencing motion sickness. Not a smart idea. After puking, AGAIN, one of the female students said "Jim, you really need to chew your food!" Not feeling like chewing, I just just inhaled whatever we had, which I think included some manner of spaghetti.
All my hopes of being the cool leader were dashed. I was thoroughly humiliated, embarrassed by my failure, it was one of the few times I couldn't laugh at myself.
Two weeks later I heard Patrick Lencioni speak on leadership at the Willow Creek Leadership Summit. His wisdom on being a good leader virtually punched me in the head. His message was from his book, THE FIVE DYSFUNCTIONS OF A TEAM, which stated the the core dysfunction, the one that affects everything else about a team, is AN ABSENCE OF TRUST. The absence of trust comes when a leader is unwilling to be vulnerable with his/her team. Out of fear, insecurity, arrogance, apathy - a leader does not make himself or herself available to be part of the entire team, distancing themselves from those they lead. This distance communicates to the team that they are not trusted. In turn, the team doesn't trust the leader. According to Lencioni, this TRUST ISSUE is the foundation of a healthy team, and without it, the whole organization stagnates, or at worst, collapses all together.
I heard what he was saying. I assimilated it. I saw that my failure wasn't that I was sick and uncool on the rafting trip, but the failure was my ego; in my fear of being human. So I asked some people from the rafting trip to go to lunch, to relive our shared experience. We all laughed at me, and the poor guy I puked on. I was able to demonstrate to them the importance of being open, and honest, and vulnerable with those we lead. It was a pivotal moment in my own leadership style, and something I now expect from other leaders. Trust is infectious. Humility is attractive. And, spaghetti should not be eaten before rafting.
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