CHARACTER - THOUGHTS OF AN EAGLE SCOUT

In my life there is one accomplishment or one award that I hold more dear than anything else.  But let's be honest, I've never been competitive nor am I infused with the over-achiever chromosome.  My competitive friends have at times lost there minds at my casual uncaring when playing games.  As such I have no great awards, only a few trophies and those are ones given out as an entire team award.  On a cruise ship once I did win a "Classic Rock Trivia" competition.  I think everyone else was drunk.  Someone shouted "Freebird!!!"

I do find pride in my education and in my work experience, well at least most of my work experience.  But the achievement which gives me the most pride and satisfaction was my earning the Eagle Scout Award.  Typically people will say "I WAS a Boy Scout" but those of us who have earned it say "I AM an Eagle Scout" because it's an achievement that doesn't age. And although I am proud of being an Eagle Scout it still surprises me how revered that award seems to be to some other people.

In every job interview I've ever had, the person questioning me will look over my work and educational history glossy eyed, as if it's exactly what they expected and they've seen the same answers over and over to the point of wanting to poke their eye out.  Yet, at some point they always pause, look up at me with an intrigued expression and say "you're an Eagle Scout?"  Usually the topic of employment changes and the interviewer becomes fascinated with what it takes to become an Eagle Scout, as if I had to slay a dragon, cure a disease or balance the national debt.

All that goes into one becoming an Eagle Scout ingrains within us certain ideals that make up who we are in later life. Certain standards are set, reinforced, repeated and we who agree to this path are held accountable for keeping to those standards.  Most notably we are required to live by what is called THE SCOUT LAW  A set of character traits that should define not only us, but hopefully rub off on those with whom we come into contact.

The 12 Points of the Scout Law are:

A Scout is....

• Trustworthy
• Loyal 
• Helpful
• Friendly
• Courteous
• Kind
• Obedient
• Cheerful
• Thrifty
• Brave 
• Clean
• Reverent

These define the character of an Eagle Scout.  I'm writing several blogs based on these "laws" and how in my life I've followed them or screwed them up.  Perhaps my thoughts will awaken something within the three of you who read this.  Hopefully this one award I worked to achieve will speak to you in some manner.  Which ones would you most like my take on?  (FB me)

As I said, I'm not really a competitive person.  I played baseball.  Got hit in the head by a pitcher's rogue pitch.  I quit the next day.  Perseverance doesn't seem to be addressed in the Scout Law.

PREVIOUS BLOG: HILLS UPON WHICH I WOULD DIE

HILLS UPON WHICH I WOULD DIE

Back in the day (feels like a millennium ago), as a teenager struggling to deal with some inner demons, some family demons, and probably some regular, run of the mill, smelly demons, I was active in my church's youth group.  Singing or worship music wasn't as common as it is today, and as I recall generally reserved for retreats and such.  Two or three of those songs are still cemented in my brain, one of which was based upon 

Micah 6:8: 
  
He has told you, O man, what is good;
And what does the Lord require of you;   
but to do justly, to love mercy,
And to walk humbly with your God?

When I gave my resignation in my last church position, I experienced an immediate, surprising, unpleasant reaction from those I thought would understand and care for me. While my plan was to leave at the end of the year (about 4 months), what I received was immediate disconnection and an "invitation" to leave "sooner rather than later" (i.e. clean your office out immediately).  I was shocked and gone in two weeks.

After this painful experience, a friend asked me some questions. "Who are you? Tell me who you are. Tell me about yourself."
As I started describing myself, all the descriptive terms and phrases I could summon were about my calling, my abilities, my accomplishments, my experience.  It was all "work" related.


"No. Tell me about Jim. Describe him to me."


And I couldn't.

I had worked in a church environment where my personal and spiritual life did not seem important to my peers or leader.  But, my "job" was overwhelming and sometimes I was working 55-60 hours a week. I felt like a piece of equipment. So my understanding of myself had morphed into what I do, not who I am.  "You are not what you do!" my friend told me, yet I had no idea who I was apart from what I did.  That's what had been modeled for me by numerous church leaders. At one point I went to visit a friend's church plant and while there, a woman I didn't know walked up to me and said "God told me you were coming today and He said that I was to pray for you, no matter what."  And she did.  A powerful prayer.  A loving prayer.  A blessing prayer.  A healing prayer.  

That prayer touched me on a level that had long been dry. On the way home I searched through my memory trying to think of the last time someone came up to me, purely out of God's leading or out of their love, and randomly said "I want to pray for you."  It had to be years since that happened.  It was then that I realized I had been ministering in an environment where I was never ministered to. I realized, from that environment I had taken on a personality that wasn't mine, and I didn't like that version of me.  

To this day I am still relearning who I am, both as a person, and as a son of the most-high God.  But one thing I absolutely know about myself is that Micah 6:8 is forever burned into my soul. 

Who am I?  James Holland, a man who hates when people are treated unjustly (especially in the church); a man who loves mercy (especially in the midst of dealing with painful issues) and a man who desires and strives greatly to walk with God, humbly and lovingly as a son. (I keep screwing that one up.)

A friend and leader of mine years ago, when we were faced with a difficult situation would ask "is this a hill you're ready to die on?"  Meaning, is this something so important (or so Micah 6:8) that you're willing to risk your job, your position, your reputation and your future?"   When it comes to people, especially within the church, being treated unjustly, and without kindness, YES, that is A hill upon which I am willing to die.

Micah 6:8 

Relax, Stupid!

Lately I've been rediscovering a few of my hobbies, those activities that for normal people create a sense of relaxation and enjoyment in life. I've never really succeeded in the whole arena of "relaxing." The odd thing is, I've had numerous people tell me that I exude the appearance of being relaxed and enjoying life.

Got them fooled.

By nature, or by learned behavior, I have obsessive workaholic tendencies. Oh yeah, I have some troubling issues when it comes to what they call "the boundaries." I throw myself headlong into whatever I'm doing, wear myself out, forgo relaxing and recovering and jump right back into whatever needs to be done. "No" is not a word I employ often.

Seemingly all at once, two of my greatest hobbies, which have long been ignored, have accidentally appeared in my path. The first is Photography. I'm what you might call a hack photographer, knowing just enough tricks to give an impression of ability. The second is audio recording and mixing. To encourage my hot wife's music gift, I set up a small 8-track recording studio in our house.

Both of these are great loves of mine that have been mostly cast aside for 15-20 years, not through anyone's fault but my own. They give me life, though. I guess it's part of that whole "sabbath" thing, resting and recovering. Having proper boundaries. Being, more than doing.

I put my hobbies aside for years. It won't happen again.

Did Jesus Ever Say "I'm Sorry"?

On facebook the other day I linked to someone’s post on “apologizing.” It stated…

“Apologizing does not always mean that you’re wrong or the other person is right. It just means that you value the relationship

........more than your ego.”

I’ve been contemplating apologies ever since. I don’t mean the fake apologies such as “I’m sooooooo sorry, but you’re a jerk.” Nor do I mean those politically safe apologies like “I’m sorry if you misunderstood what I said”, which actually means, “I didn’t do anything wrong and you’re stupid for disagreeing with me.”

I started wondering if Jesus ever apologized for his actions. We know that sin isn’t so much about our actions but about the attitude and thoughts we have; the thoughts that lead to or follow and action. We understand and believe that Jesus never sinned. So, it's easy to say "no, he never apologized because he never sinned." He had no sin (thoughts or attitudes) for which to apologize. Easy answer, right?

But I wonder - did Jesus ever unintentionally hurt someone? Did he ever unintentionally say the wrong thing at the wrong moment? Did he ever laugh at a funeral? While running through the streets did he ever knock down an old lady carrying a llama? Did he ever accidentally fart in church? Did he ever unintentionally break someone's heart?

I wonder - did Jesus ever look someone in the eye, someone he loved, and say...

“What I did was stupid. I’m so very sorry. Please forgive me.”

THE ONLY THING WE HAVE TO FEAR......

Generally speaking, I have only had two truly great fears, the paralyzing type of fear that has the power to make one wet one’s self. The first is Justin Bieber. But seeing as how I will likely never come face to face with the future former teen sensation, that fear has little affect on me other than forcing me to occasionally change the channel.

On the other hand, I’ve always been terrified of being hit by lightning. Don’t get me wrong, I love watching lightning in the distance, or seeing my bedroom light up during a storm at night. But, terror can kick in if I’m outside and lightning is close, if I have to run across a parking lot during a storm or even if lightning strikes close while I’m inside. As far back as I can recall, I’ve had this fear.

The other day, while watching a storm out the kitchen window I had a flashback (figuratively speaking) that revealed where this fear originated. When I was about 8 years old, the father of one of my best friends was killed by lightning as a thunderstorm approached. He was outside putting away his lawnmower when it happened. That’s where it began. That’s where my fear of lightning started.

Typically fear doesn’t appear to others as “panic” like when someone goes screaming out of the room at the sight of a roach. We have become exceptionally skilled at masking our fear so its symptoms are more subtle. When I have fear I can appear to be wisely “cautious” when I am actually just scared to move. When I have fear I can appear to be strong, overcompensating for the weakness in myself that I loathe. I might mock people, or judge them when in reality I'm just scared to look stupid. The hard part is seeing fear in myself for I am certain the issue either belongs to someone else, or is caused by someone else.

I hate fear. It’s poison. It’s toxic. And the only thing worse than being afraid, is being completely unaware that I am afraid or unwilling to admit I am afraid.

There is a pattern to fear. It’s unmistakable if you know what to look for.

Here is the pattern:

• Fear leads to Insecurity.
• Insecurity leads to Suspicion.
• Suspicion leads to Mistrust.
• Mistrust leads to Isolation.
• Isolation leads to Loneliness.
• And because humans were not designed to be disconnected, that Loneliness breeds…………………………..Fear.

And thus the cycle repeats itself.

Without a large, clear window through which to look, I would never know why I was afraid of lightning. I would never be able to overcome that fear. If I were to close myself off in an interior room, I might “feel” safe, hidden away, but I would just be deluding myself and missing out on the beauty of the storm.

On the other hand, I feel perfectly okay being scared of Justin Bieber.

A Few Things I've Learned About Myself Over The Last Year

Self-Awareness Is Fun

20 Things I’ve learned about myself over the last year:

• I’m still “in process” in my story with Jesus. I'm not there. I've never been there. And will never get there in this life. I shouldn't judge people who are also in process, whose journey looks different than mine. Chantal reminds me of that.

• I don’t like lace-up casual shoes. They're either too tight, or not tight enough.

• In Nola, long hair is hot during the summer.

• I need an hour in the morning, just to wake up, connect with God and enjoy life (rather than jumping out of bed, taking a quick shower and going straight to work).

• I really love my wife.

• I should work on “Wipeout” designing their obstacle courses. Years of Youth Ministry qualify me for such a role.

• I need people around me who want to know me, genuinely care about me, listen to me,and love me unconditionally.

• I need people to be around who will let ME know THEM; people who will let me genuinely care about them; people who aren't afraid to let me listen to them; and people who can allow themselves to accept my unconditional love.

• I really should eat breakfast. Coffee is not bacon.

• It’s profoundly arrogant when I think I’m indispensable and God can’t do things without me, as if he can’t easily replace me at any moment with a tree stump.

• I don't really care if stars can dance. Now if they can rebuild a concrete sidewalk, then I'll pay attention.

• I have not honestly endeavored to really take time to enjoy life in over 20 years. I am not what I do. That stops now.

• I don’t like to be misunderstood, or have my motives assumed.

• I absolutely HATE taping, mudding and sanding drywall. Next time, I'll gladly pay someone to do it. Or trade bacon for their work.

• I can tend to look at how people might fail or disappoint me, rather than see their gifts, hurts and potential; see them as God sees them. I hate that about me.

• I don’t grieve well, if at all.

• I have one of the best friends a person could ever hope to have.

• I really do enjoy shooting guns, even on days when I can’t hit the side of Mexico.

• Knowing what Shalom means, and actually living Shalom, are two vastly different things. I have known ABOUT Shalom; could teach ABOUT Shalom, but haven't LIVED Shalom. That is my goal now. It's like air conditioning in August.

• I really love my wife. Did I say that already?

Have You Seen The Mop?

I have always hated doing things twice. I don’t mean repetitive necessary functions like grocery shopping, voting or visiting the restroom (those last two may be redundant). I mean having to “do over” something that has already been done.

While working on the main project house I had wired some very nice light fixtures in each bathroom, only to find later that in a previous repair, the wiring in the walls had been done incorrectly. So off come the fixtures, the repair is made, new hardware installed and then the fixtures put back up. An hour later, I realized I had accidentally put the light fixtures in the wrong rooms; the one upstairs I put downstairs and vice versa. Again, off come the fixtures, off come the installation hardware, fixtures reinstalled in the correct rooms.

I hate doing the same thing twice.

In business and manufacturing work like this is sometimes referred to as “non-value added” work. It’s work that is necessary, but doesn’t really add to the overall value of the finished project. Say for instance, you work at Baskin Robbins making the world happy and fat. You make an ice cream cone and sell it. Your specific work makes money. But when you sweep up, or restock napkins, or clean the bathroom/voting booth, those tasks are important, but don’t “pay for themselves” the way selling your product does. It’s work, but doesn’t add value.

Paul seems to understand the concept of non-value added work. In 1 Corinthians 13 (1-3) he explains that if I am doing all manner of spiritual work, but I don’t really outwardly, openly, love people (unconditionally) then my work adds no real value. It’s empty. If I understand all the mysteries of God, am filled with wisdom and truth, but it’s not based and EXPRESSED in love, then what I do is meaningless. (*The word for love in this chapter is AGAPE’, meaning moe than a warm affection, but an active, self-sacrificing love).

I’m being reminded that faith without (unconditional) love is of no real value. It is performance-oriented living, rather than living out of real love for people. Though I may think I love someone, it doesn't mean they would agree. They might see my "love" as nothing more than a clanging gong, or a smelly voting booth.